RT @david_cameron:

RT @david_cameron: I look in the mirror. I see a confident, sexual man. My skin goes white when I press against my luscious mirror self.

RT @david_cameron: And when their backs are turned, Jeremy Cthulhunt will rise, a burning hospital on each tenticle.

RT @david_cameron: Words are just shapes. People are just ideas. That's why I bathe in cornflakes.

RT @david_cameron: No. Virgin Media are fine. I've had no problems.

RT @david_cameron: My robotic legs transmit disgusting urges through microphones. It's the metal. It's always the metal.

RT @david_cameron: I am often mistaken for Esther Rantzen. And by 'Esther' I mean 'Mr' and by 'Rantzen' I mean 'T'.

RT @david_cameron: I nuzzle Boris Johnson's hair. That's when I hear the voices.

RT @david_cameron: When I fail to come up with an anagram of 'Eton', I become deeply afraid of death.

RT @david_cameron: Melons. Melons. Look at the lovely melons.

RT @david_cameron: When I am low, the shapes in the dark remind me of my past. Tears fall silently. There is no light.

RT @david_cameron: Release the monkeys. We have no monkeys. We'll make do with string.

RT @david_cameron: I just vomited Gove all over my Johnson.

RT @david_cameron: Gaz Top isn't the one under the rockery. You're thinking of Fred Dinenage