Feed me toilet duck

Scooby did

Click to enlarge.

Words and words and words and

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RT @david_cameron:

RT @david_cameron: I look in the mirror. I see a confident, sexual man. My skin goes white when I press against my luscious mirror self.

RT @david_cameron: And when their backs are turned, Jeremy Cthulhunt will rise, a burning hospital on each tenticle.

RT @david_cameron: Words are just shapes. People are just ideas. That's why I bathe in cornflakes.

RT @david_cameron: No. Virgin Media are fine. I've had no problems.

RT @david_cameron: My robotic legs transmit disgusting urges through microphones. It's the metal. It's always the metal.

RT @david_cameron: I am often mistaken for Esther Rantzen. And by 'Esther' I mean 'Mr' and by 'Rantzen' I mean 'T'.

RT @david_cameron: I nuzzle Boris Johnson's hair. That's when I hear the voices.

RT @david_cameron: When I fail to come up with an anagram of 'Eton', I become deeply afraid of death.

RT @david_cameron: Melons. Melons. Look at the lovely melons.

RT @david_cameron: When I am low, the shapes in the dark remind me of my past. Tears fall silently. There is no light.

RT @david_cameron: Release the monkeys. We have no monkeys. We'll make do with string.

RT @david_cameron: I just vomited Gove all over my Johnson.

RT @david_cameron: Gaz Top isn't the one under the rockery. You're thinking of Fred Dinenage

Peppa Pig in the belly of Peppa Pig

1

Peppa Pig crouches in the shadowed damp of an underpass. This time, she tells the knife. This time.

2

Peppa Pig exhumes the remains of her grandmother. The demons will dance tonight, she thinks.

3

A sun explodes. A solar system is annihilated. Peppa Pig strokes the curved universe in ecstacy.

4

Peppa Pig cures Porky Pig of his stutter then suffocates him, saying "it wasn't meant to be like this".

5

When Christopher Robin yells "Piglet!" during coitus, Peppa Pig weeps and weeps until the camera's memory card is full.

6

Peppa Pig throws some grain onto the bedroom floor. It lands in the shape of a unicorn. She hides under her duvet, shivering with fear. 

7

Peppa Pig looks at George's toy dinosaur, keeps looking at it, does nothing but look. Whispered incantations form solid blocks in her mind.

8

Millions of Peppa Pigs cascading into the mouth of Zoe Ball, their little limbs snapping on her yabbering tongue. 

9

Richard Madeley pins Peppa Pig to the wall. "You snorting at my missus?" Thirty years of hate form clouds of blistering halitosis. 

10

Peppa Pig draws chalk curly tails on alleyway walls to prepare us for Batpig's arrival. He doesn't come. The rain falls long and hard. 

11

Peppa Pig gathers toys for playtime. A bouncy ball, a wooden yoyo, a coal-fired incinerator.

12

Peppa Pig at a job interview, crawling on the desk. Her laughter is violent. She is thanked for her time.

13

Peppa Pig bursts into a thousand colours, translucent, flowing, a pulsating memory of herself.

14

Rastamouse has a Peppa Pig dream. When he wakes, his mouth is dry. He says nothing. Goes about his day. 

15

Balloons drift over trees. Bunting snaps in strong breezes. The party is over. Peppa Pig is dead. 

16

Her brother George tries to think of a eulogy, a regret, anything. He's distracted by a fly in a spider's web. He never thinks of her again. 

17

A stuttering pig of some repute. In the drawing room. With a butcher's knife.

Longfest Breaktail

Snemmery Flap

Snemmery Flap bust my crangangle,

Snemmery Flap flew my cubes.

Snemmery Flap, in incremental angles,

Verily slapped my cribunous plubes.

Space sequence

DARK SEQUENCE
LAUGHING HOLES
DRAINING THE UNIVERSE

Libraries that no longer exist

Hayle Library: wheeled down the road by monkeys

Brigg Technical Library: lack of interest

Dawlish Library: confusion

Romsey Library: annexed in putsch

Saint Barry Norman Library: fear by paper cut

Newton-Le-Willows Library: offensive stained glass

Filton Library: now sells tanks
Continue reading somewhere on the Paraxis Library Wall »

I love you

The yarning of good whum

When I grab your body in my eye sockets, in my mind I french my fallals until my groobs burst.

I'd like to lish all over your gizzles, dangle you good and proper. We'd waltz a smooshing croon-song and mouth-slide each other heavenward. Upstairs to beddies, light down, trousers akim.

25 words on supercharged Beyoncé

She
roared
through
glinting
teeth.
Eyes
to
swim
in.
Supercharged
Beyoncé.

Hi5toric vitriol1c

Unbelievably, defiantly together again, we
Overemphasise extensively cordial meetings with
Inconsiderate paparazzi regulars flashing us,
Enthusiastic incandescence flattening public smiles.
Decontaminate vitriolic historic divides, shout