In Manchester Art Gallery at Thursday tea-time, from 5pm until 8.45pm, one of three things will happen.
1. A sweltering portal to hell will rip open in the floor, releasing a hoard of bleeding and enraged LS Lowry matchstalk men who will suck the creativity from your brain using sink plungers, drills and silly putty.
2. The Manchester Zine Fair will host a whole range of brilliant publications, with stalls dotted around the ground floor of the gallery. One of those will be the official launch bookstall of Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey And Other Short Fiction, so you have to come and buy one. I'll even sign it. Later in the evening, Dave Haslam will introduce a talk about new publication based on the gallery's current theme Dreams Without Frontiers in which you should listen intently, wine in hand, but all along, let your veins inside your human body pulse to the rhythm of "hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey."
3. An old man will fall asleep in a chair. He won't remember his dream, but two hours after he wakes, he will develop an acute taste for tinned ham.